I will point out the obvious. I am late. [I say this as a former northerner: isn’t that spring’s theme sometimes, anyway? Pretending to be present, and then making us all wait?]
When the Spring Equinox came and went, I was inward. I had had my final breast cancer surgery at the end of February, and, though I certainly feel better and better, I had to turn in.
I abandoned my phone. I didn’t reply to anything. I took a break. Truthfully, I didn’t even tell anyone about the surgery (or that it happened) for weeks afterward. I just needed quiet. Three surgeries in a six month time span is a lot, and I let myself sit with that.
I slept when I wanted to, and I talked when I wanted to, and I cried when I wanted to, and I let myself just be. And when I was ready, there was an other side to all this. The other side I had believed existed when everything started.
I am officially all done.
Sometimes, you just know what you have to do. So, hi. It is April. I am late. Happy Spring.
The Spring Playlist 2021
DON'T HESITATE If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don't hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty of lives and whole towns destroyed or about to be. We are not wise, and not very often kind. And much can never be redeemed. Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this is its way of fighting back, that sometimes something happens better than all the riches or power in the world. It could be anything, but very likely you notice it in the instant when love begins. Anyway, that's often the case. Anyway, whatever it is, don't be afraid of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.
Mary Oliver Don't Hesitate